Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
