I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
