Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize