I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize