dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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