North Korea, Best Korea!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
