I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
