Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
