I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
