Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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