Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
is wine microwaveable?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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