i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
