Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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