P.S. I can't hear my feet
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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