I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
