Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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