hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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