Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
