I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
