his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
