I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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