if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
