was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
