we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
