Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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