It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm too high and old for this...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
