I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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