never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
