Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
