Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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