I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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