Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
