Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
