are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize