cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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