Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Need sex. Gaining weight.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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