I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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