i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
i think im in europe. pls send help
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
