I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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