So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
