I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize