Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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