Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
