Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
