Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
