dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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