I need to stop coming to work sober
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
two words...techno handjob
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
