Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
