My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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