Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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