I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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