but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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