You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
