Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
