Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
