Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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