new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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