if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
