can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
