Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
