I think i sorta joined a cult last night
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
