I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
