See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
