chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
