So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
