My room smells like vodka and shame
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
