I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
