it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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