Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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