Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
