You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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