I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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