You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
