soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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