Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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