If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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