hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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