So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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